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Hi I'm Ray, Rosie's partner for almost 25 years and husband of 3 weeks. 

 

For the five years of her fight against cancer I was also her carer and supported her through the good days as well as the bad.

With any major illness but more especially cancer due to its very name and the visions it conjures up getting through each day places a great strain on the family and friends of the patient as well as the patient themselves.

 I can't and won't try to tell you its easy or that you should follow a particular course of action as we must each find our own way to deal with this type of situation.

Not all illnesses or cancer's are terminal but this does not make them any the easier to live with, for my part I was very lucky in that Rosie was determined to hit this head on and I could draw strength from her will to survive even though we knew that her condition was terminal.

No matter how much you may think you are prepared for the end and even it it provides blessed release from the pain it will not be easy to cope with, even now as I write this page just one week after her passing I still find it hard to adjust and accept that I can't speak to her or see her again.

I have tried to draw from the  8 Overcoming Tools by Hal Rose (c) 1998 and shown on one of the pages in this web, the list below is drawn from my own thoughts and colored by the words of comfort from my family, friends, doctor and colleagues.

  1. Take time out to yourself, even if this seems selfish as you need to recharge your batteries to face the days still to come.

  2. Accepting an offer of counseling is not a sign of weakness, sometimes it helps to talk to someone independent.

  3. Try to laugh and remember the good times, the day of the funeral was painful for all of us but we did share happier memories and thus we celebrated Rosie's life which helped to ease the pain for all of us.

  4. Try not to have regrets for the decisions you make, consider only regrets for the ones you didn't make.

  5. If like me your partner has been through many years of treatments and pain don't expect to be fine in yourself and in full control within a few days, you will probably not be fully aware of the stress you have been under and it takes time to re-adjust.

  6. Try to move forward, even if only slowly at first.

  7. Even now I think of the things I maybe should have done or said, as I'm now living my tomorrows and can't turn back the clock, consider your today's and don't leave it till its too late.

  8. Find time to grieve as this is the start of the healing process.

 

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